You Don't Own Them!

Children are not extensions of us.

They are human beings with their own voices and rights.

As parents, we forget that children are not our property or extensions of our desires, dreams, or frustrations. Children are not blueprints for us to design. They are not our second chance at life. They are not props in our unresolved storylines. They are human beings, fully alive from the start, with their own emotional realities, their own perceptions, and their own paths to walk.

Children who sense that their parents’ love is conditional, based on performance, obedience, or fulfilling roles, learn to suppress their true selves. They become “gifted” at reading the emotional needs of the parent. They become caretakers, people-pleasers, perfectionists, and performers. They trade authenticity for attachment, because when you’re a child, survival always comes before truth.

You don’t get to hit or spank them when they make you mad.

Spanking and hitting are acts of control, not discipline. They come from a place of frustration, anger, or fear, not from a parent who is understanding and supportive. When you hit a child, you’re teaching them that it’s acceptable to use force to solve problems. You’re also instilling fear, which leads to distrust and disconnection.

Physical punishment is an abuse of property rights at the most fundamental level: the right to own your own body.

When you hit a child, you’re saying, “Your body is mine to use as leverage when I don’t like your behavior.” That’s not correction, it’s coercion, and it doesn’t build character. It builds fear, compliance, and a fractured sense of self. You’re not raising someone who knows right from wrong, you’re raising someone who obeys out of fear and flinches at authority. This isn’t discipline, it’s just you being bigger, louder, and abusing your power to control your kids.

You don’t get to lock them in their room when you are stressed.

Children should never be punished by isolation or left to feel abandoned when they act out. Locking them in their room for punishment sends the message that their feelings are not valid or that they are a burden. It’s emotional abandonment, and it teaches a child that when they are at their most overwhelmed, most in need of guidance, they will be ignored and shut down.

Children are wired for connection. Withholding that connection as a tool of control is psychological abuse. We would never tolerate locking a spouse in a room or giving the silent treatment to a friend and calling it “discipline,” so why do we excuse it when it’s done to children? Discipline requires presence, and it demands that we regulate ourselves before we try to correct anyone else. If your solution to stress is to exile your child, the real work isn’t in fixing their behavior; it’s in learning how to handle your own. Children don’t grow by being pushed away. They grow by being seen, heard, and guided through the mess, not punished for having it.

You don’t get to take away their possessions when they don’t listen.

Taking away a child’s possessions as punishment isn’t discipline, it’s theft. You’re not teaching values, you’re modeling power abuse. When you give a child something and then weaponize it every time they disappoint you, you’re not guiding them, you’re manipulating them into obedience through fear of loss. Stripping a child of their property to “teach a lesson” only reinforces the idea that the person with the most power gets to define what’s fair, and that their autonomy can be violated at any time.

Not only is this morally wrong, but it is also ineffective. It teaches the child nothing about empathy, accountability, or understanding the impact of their actions. All it teaches is that you must behave as I like, or I’ll take what you care about. Instead, focus on the reason behind their actions. Engage them in conversation, set clear expectations, and provide natural consequences that promote learning, rather than punishment. Children learn best when they feel safe, heard, and respected, not when they’re treated like inmates in their own home.

You don’t get to change their identity with force and shame.

When you force your kid to adopt your religion, politics, or worldview, you’re not parenting, you’re programming. It’s no different than forcing a gender identity onto them because you’re confused. A child becomes the emotional crutch and exists to prove that the parent is “right,” “good,” or “safe.” It’s not about what’s best for the child; it’s about what feels least threatening to the parent. Whether it’s forcing them into a faith tradition, indoctrinating them with political ideologies, or rushing them into irreversible medical decisions around gender because the parent wants to be in control. The child is taught to perform, to comply, and to please. Their identity becomes a survival strategy rather than an authentic expression of who they are.

This isn’t about being left, right, religious, atheist, illegal immigrant, or having a Real ID. It’s about control. If you demand obedience to your belief system the same way some parents force gender confusion on their kids, then congratulations, you’re not raising a child, you’re building a puppet. You’re not protecting them from confusion, you’re creating it. You are hijacking their natural development to serve your emotional narrative. You’re teaching them to ignore their gut, betray their instincts, and trade their truth for your approval. Parenting doesn’t require your kid to believe what you believe; it requires the courage to let them question everything, including you. If your love depends on their agreement, compliance, or performance, then it was never love; it was all about control.

If you want your kids to be interested in your beliefs and admire your values, it must come from influence and example. We force children to get baptized, we indoctrinate them to worship the state, we propagandize to go out and vote, or take psychiatric meds because we need to keep the illusion of freedom going. Of course, it’s suddenly okay when it involves puberty blockers and permanent medical decisions.

Kids don’t need you to change them; they need you to protect them.

Let them grow. Let them question. Let them be.

Any questions?

This should challenge you to reflect.

Parenting is about empathy, respect, and connection.

Parenting isn’t about making your kid fit your story; it’s about giving them the freedom to write their own. The old ways of control, punishment, and projection are outdated and harmful, and always show up in a new form of societal dysfunction.

Stop treating kids like problems to manage and start seeing them as people to understand. They’re not blank slates or little reflections of you; they’re full human beings with their own thoughts, feelings, and direction.

Respect them. Listen to them. Guide them without crushing them.

That’s not soft parenting, it’s strong, conscious, and exactly what creates powerful, healthy families.