Stop Chasing the Fix
How often have you tried to fill a void in your life with something external? Maybe it’s that new car, a better job, more money that’s supposed to complete you, or even finding a new religion that promises enlightenment. You tell yourself that once you have it, you’ll feel whole, at peace, or finally “good enough.”
Attempts to fix your internal turmoil through external measures will never be effective. The root of the issue lies not in your imperfections but in your unwillingness to acknowledge, admit, and embrace them.
We’re all human, and being human means we’re flawed. Imperfect and sometimes downright messy. But instead of owning that, we play this endless game of trying to hide our imperfections and fix them with things outside of ourselves. We chase after material objects, desire high status, fall victim to addictions to substance abuse and relationships, or find comfort in adhering to an ideology, thinking they’ll give us the reassurance we’re starving for and desperately need.
The problem isn’t that you’re flawed. The problem is that you think your flaws make you abnormal and unworthy. And that belief drives you to seek validation from anything and everything outside of yourself. It’s why you put on a front, pretending you’ve got it all together when you’re falling apart inside. It’s why you’re always looking for the next big thing to fill that empty space inside you.
But that emptiness can’t be filled by anything external. You could have all the money, success, and admiration in the world, but if you haven’t accepted yourself, you’ll still feel like something’s missing because you’re trying to be someone you’re not.
And that’s why your relationships fail. You’re looking for the other person to love you in a way you’re unwilling to love yourself. You want them to provide the energy you’re not bringing to the relationship. But no one else can do that for you. It’s not their job to fix what’s broken inside you. It’s your job, and you must own it.
A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca
How do you stop the madness and find the peace and wholeness you seek?
You start by accepting yourself, flaws and all. It’s the only way out of this cycle. When you stop fighting your imperfections, stop thinking you are fucked up, and end the self-sabotage, you can begin to accept and even celebrate those imperfections. This shift means you no longer require external things to fill your inner voids. You also no longer seek from others the kind of love and acceptance that you’re not granting yourself.
Self-acceptance doesn’t mean you give up on growth or improving yourself. It means you stop viewing all your broken parts as problems that must be fixed. Instead, you see them as part of what makes you, you. And when you do that, you free yourself from the pressure of your own internal prison. You gain the kind of freedom that can’t be bought, achieved, or given by anyone else.
Because now, you’re not trying to be someone you’re not. You’re not looking for love and acceptance outside of yourself. You’ve already decided to love yourself, and that’s a power no one can take from you.
So stop chasing the fix. The only thing that needs fixing is the way you see yourself.