Navigating the Present
As a father, I often find myself reflecting on the complex journey of living in the present while carrying the weight of past traumas. I’ve walked this path myself, and I believe it’s of great value for anyone striving to live a more fulfilled and meaningful life.
A common piece of advice we often hear is, “Live in the moment.” It sounds simple enough: just focus on the here and now, let go of the past, and embrace the present with open arms. But life isn’t always that straightforward. Many of us feel lost or broken because we cannot follow such a simple statement. As much as we may try to live in the present, the echoes from our past remain, preventing us from our attempts at finding happiness in the now.
What do I mean by “past traumas? I’m talking about those experiences from our past, maybe from childhood, maybe from recent years, that no matter how hard we try to ignore, they keep having us struggle to find happiness in the present. It could be anything from abuse and neglect to loss and betrayal. These traumas affect every aspect of our lives, shaping our beliefs, behaviors, and relationships in ways we may not even realize.
Human consciousness is complex, and sometimes, we are not fully aware of our thoughts and emotions. This can happen because past experiences have affected us in ways we don’t fully understand. We become dissociated and feel disconnected from ourselves, unsure why. It’s as if invisible forces are directing our lives, and we desperately want to regain control but are powerless. I have had my fair share of battles with these ideas in my life, and I’ve found that the only way to overcome them and achieve success is by dedicating time and effort to caring for them. By acknowledging and addressing these issues, I’ve developed a better understanding of myself and my values, ultimately leading to positive growth and personal fulfillment.
As a father, I can’t help but think about how these past traumas affect me and my children. I’ve learned you can’t let go of the past; it doesn’t magically go away if you ignore it. To be present, I had to deal with my past, not to be a victim, but instead to deal with it in a purposeful way. However painful, I now know that resolving my past is how I help my children. I want nothing more than to protect them from the pain and suffering I’ve experienced. Yet, I know that shielding them entirely from life’s challenges is neither possible nor beneficial in the long run. Instead, my role as a parent is to equip them with the tools to handle their pain and trauma in healthy ways, without dissociating from themselves, and to make sure that I am not the cause of their failure to live in the present.
And that’s where the journey of healing comes in. It’s about facing those past traumas head-on, acknowledging their presence, and working through them in a healthy and constructive way. For me, this has meant seeking therapy, engaging in self-reflection, and allowing myself to feel and process the emotions that I’ve spent so long burying deep inside.
“I have realized that the past and future are real illusions, that they exist in the present, which is what there is and all there is.”
―Alan Wilson Watts
But healing from our past is not easy; it’s messy and painful and requires a lot of courage. There are days when I feel like I’m making progress and days when I think, how did I miss that about myself? How fucked up am I? And that’s okay because healing isn’t about reaching some random finish line; it’s about embracing the journey, with all its twists and turns, and trusting that each step forward, no matter how small, brings us closer to wholeness.
As I navigate this healing journey, I’m reminded of the importance of self-ownership, showing up as my true self, wounds and all, and embracing every part of who I am. It’s about fully embracing the present by examining and living in the past so I can overcome it consciously. It’s about knowing my experiences, both the joyful and the painful, have shaped me into the person I am today.
Living in the present is a beautiful thing. You should not dwell on the past or be a victim of your circumstances. However, there are things you cannot hide from, and you must face your past so it no longer has power over you.