Moving Forward from the Past
No matter how hard we try or what we do, we can’t change the past. Many avoid this hard truth, but dwelling on what’s already happened only keeps us from living in the moment and embracing the present.
We all have our fair share of regrets, mistakes, and missed opportunities. It’s part of being human, but what sets us apart is how we choose to deal with our past. There may have been evil acts committed against you as a child, maybe you were abandoned, or you were raised to be a robot, but we cannot blame ourselves for things we couldn’t control. Do we let it define us or use it as a stepping stone to something greater?
The key lies in embracing the lessons our past experiences have taught us and moving forward with newfound wisdom. Holding onto the pain, anger, or resentment from the past only prolongs our suffering and hinders our growth. It’s like carrying a heavy burden that weighs us down and prevents us from moving forward. It’s something I have consistently worked on to safeguard my children against, but at the same time, I know I will eventually have conversations about what I did wrong, and I am so fucking good with that.
What does it look and feel like to live in past traumas?
Emotional and Psychological Behaviors
Hypervigilance: Constantly on edge, always scanning for threats.
Emotional Dysregulation: Intense and unpredictable emotional reactions.
Low Self-Esteem: Persistent feelings of worthlessness or inadequacy.
Guilt and Shame: Deep sense of guilt or shame, feeling responsible for the trauma.
Anxiety and Depression: Chronic anxiety or depression.
Behavioral Patterns
Avoidance: Steering clear of triggers, leading to social isolation.
Perfectionism: Striving for control and validation, leading to burnout.
Substance Abuse: Using drugs or alcohol to numb emotional pain.
Self-Sabotage: Engaging in behaviors that undermine success or happiness.
Impulsivity: Acting without considering consequences, leading to risky behaviors.
Interpersonal Relationships
Trust Issues: Difficulty trusting others, challenging close relationships.
Attachment Problems: Insecure attachment styles (clingy or distant).
Fear of Abandonment: Intense fear of being abandoned, leading to dependence or pushing others away.
Conflict Avoidance: Avoiding conflicts or being overly confrontational.
People-Pleasing: Overly accommodating others to avoid rejection or gain approval.
Physical Symptoms
Chronic Health Issues: Unexplained chronic pain or health problems.
Sleep Disturbances: Insomnia, nightmares, or other sleep issues.
Fatigue: Persistent tiredness from managing trauma symptoms.
Cognitive Patterns
Negative Self-Talk: Harsh self-criticism and negative self-beliefs.
Catastrophizing: Expecting the worst-case scenario in any situation.
Memory Problems: Difficulty with memory due to intrusive memories or dissociation.
Yes, bad shit happens to all of us. It’s inevitable. But we can’t let the past dictate our future. Instead, we must focus on what we can control today. Our actions, choices, and mindset in the present have the power to shape our future in ways we never thought possible.
It’s not about erasing the past or pretending it didn’t happen. It’s about accepting it for what it is and using it as a catalyst for positive change. Every setback, failure, or heartache is an opportunity for growth and transformation if we’re willing to see it that way. The longer we hold onto the things from our past, the longer it will take us to move forward.
“As long as you keep secrets and suppress information, you are fundamentally at war with yourself…The critical issue is allowing yourself to know what you know. That takes an enormous amount of courage.”
― Bessel A. van der Kolk
But moving on doesn’t mean forgetting. It means acknowledging the past, learning from it, and then letting it go. It’s a conscious decision to prioritize our present and future over our past.
So, while we can’t change what’s already happened, we have the power to shape our future starting today. It’s never too late to rewrite our story, chase our dreams, and become the person we were always meant to be. And if you are a father, little people depend on you to lead the way!
Remember, the past may have shaped us, but it doesn’t define us.