Keep Showing Up (Especially When You Don’t Want To)
There’s a pattern I’ve noticed in the men I talk to.
A moment where everything starts to feel heavier than it should.
The marriage starts feeling like a trap. The kids stop feeling like a blessing. The job becomes a prison sentence. The world closes in, and some part of them quietly whispers: “What if I just disappeared?”
They don’t mean it literally, but that impulse to check out, shut down, and numb out is real and creeps in slowly. Usually, when life gets busy, emotions run high, your woman’s in a mood, your kids are screaming, and chaos becomes the background noise of your life.
You grind all day, carry the weight of the world, and then come home to a wife who’s short with you and kids who act like they didn’t get the memo that “dad’s exhausted.” It’s easy to blow up, bite back, and match the energy thrown at you.
I understand. I’ve been there too. I had to learn this the hard way.
You can’t afford to react like a man who doesn’t know who he is.
Your woman gets bitchy, don’t let your ego make it worse. That’s not about you. She needs your presence, not your defensiveness.
Your kids misbehave, that’s not disrespect, it’s a cry for connection. They don’t need another threat or spanking. They need a father who can stay calm when they feel lost.
Life gets busy. Good, it means you’re still in the game. But don’t confuse chaos with failure. Learn to move through it without losing yourself. Busy isn’t a signal to quit, it’s a test to see if you can focus on what matters.
A man can run in circles all day and still end up nowhere. What matters is direction, not motion.
Do not confuse motion and progress. A rocking horse keeps moving but does not make any progress.
—Alfred Armand Montapert
I used to be the “busy” guy, until I learned being disciplined isn’t about doing more, it’s doing less with intention.
Busy men chase urgency.
Grounded men prioritize meaning.
Busy men burn out.
Grounded men build legacies.
And when you get stuck, and you will, ask for help.
We’ve all been sold this lone-wolf masculinity bullshit. That “real men don’t ask for directions” crap. But you will drown in silence if you try to do it alone.
Talk to other men, make connections, let others know you are struggling, and by all means, have some healthy disagreements.
We need brotherhood more than ever, not the superficial “grab a beer and talk sports” kind of brotherhood. I’m talking about the raw and uncomfortable conversations. The “I’m not okay, man” kind, that reminds you that you’re not broken, that you’re human.
Because we all go through shit, the difference is what we do next.
Some men disappear into porn, work, video games, alcohol, drugs, and silence.
Others show up anyway. Bleeding, hurting, doubting, but present, and still doing the work.
Things only get better when you show up before you’re ready.
Not after the mess is cleaned up. Not when your mood improves. Right now, in the chaos, doubt, and the dark. You earn courage and strength by facing it right now!
You don’t need to be perfect. You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to keep showing up.
Especially in those moments when you don’t feel like it.
When a man finds the courage to speak the thing he thought would cost him love or respect, and another man nods and says, “I’ve been there too,” that shame starts to dissolve, and in its place, integrity is reborn.
If this hit you in the chest. Forward it. Share it. Or join us inside the Fraternity of Excellence.
