In our society, there is a sad truth that everyone avoids hiding beneath the surface.
The pain and hurt from abusive parenting in the past still affect families today. Behind closed doors, in ordinary homes, a cycle of pain passes from one generation to the next in the form of physical attacks and coercive control. The world has become filled with hatred and drama because our homes have failed to create a deeper connection with our children and foster a strong sense of security and trust.
Many fathers, who themselves suffered in their upbringing, now struggle as parents. Empathy is foreign to them, and they have a hard time genuinely connecting with others. They want to be there for their children, but their own past haunts them, making it hard to be the supportive presence their children need.
This cycle of hurt quietly makes its way through families, leaving behind brokenness and corruption. Fathers unintentionally pass on their pain through harsh words, punitive actions, or emotional neglect. It’s not that these men want to be hurtful; many are unaware of the models of unconditional love and effective parenting.
Children growing up in such homes face a constant sense of fear and unpredictability.
They walk on eggshells around their parents, uncertain when their next outburst will occur. This constant feeling of stress and anxiety takes a heavy toll on a child’s nervous system, impacting their emotional and mental well-being. With nowhere to run and too small to fight, they are forced to push all the pain deep down inside of them. They have no escape and are too young to defend themselves, so they bury their pain deep inside. Imagine longing for safety and protection, only to find yourself trapped in the clutches of a caregiver who, unable to confront their own unresolved traumas, relentlessly forces you to feel his pain.
No man should act this way, and although he should not be condemned, he must be held accountable. There is too much at stake to ignore the avoidance of fatherly responsibility in our society.
“The healthy man does not torture others—generally, it is the tortured who turn into torturers.
— Carl Gustav Jung
But there’s hope, and it’s never too late to mend old wounds. I have spoken with men for over a decade about raising children with the principle of peaceful parenting. Even though I cannot convince every man to stop abusing his children, I get inspiration from the many who have reached out and let me know about the positive changes in their homes and lives. Breaking this cycle starts with conscious parenting – acknowledging past pain and actively working to heal from it. You make an agreement with yourself, repeat it, and stick to it - “I will not allow my past to hurt my child.”
Conscious fathers understand their role isn’t just about providing for their kids’ physical needs. They create a space where their children feel loved and heard. They encourage open communication and teach by example, showing their kids how to confront challenges bravely.
It’s not easy to break free from generational trauma. It takes courage to confront the past and commit to a better future. But with peaceful and conscious parenting, we can rewrite the script for our families. We can create a world where fathers are defined by their love for their children, not by their past pain.
I run an online men’s community called the Fraternity of Excellence with my business partner and fellow corporal punishment abolitionist Zac Small.
If I have helped you in any way on your journey with Fatherhood, please drop a comment in the chat.