From Spankings to Prison Cells
The Path Nobody Wants to Talk About
Picture this: a little boy gets smacked across the face for talking back. He’s told it’s for his own good, will teach him respect, and make him a better man. Fast forward twenty years and that same boy is sitting in a prison cell, doing time for assault. Do you think that’s a coincidence?
Violence doesn’t happen in a vacuum. The most violent inmates, the ones who end up behind bars for brutal crimes such as murder, rape, and assault, share a common origin story. It starts in childhood, with parents who think discipline means a smack, a spanking, or, over time, outright beatings. Unfortunately for many kids, what begins as a slap on the wrist escalates into more because it always escalates.
The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study showed that individuals with 4 or more ACEs are 12 times more likely to attempt suicide and 7 times more likely to become alcoholic, behaviors associated with criminal activity. Those with a higher number of ACEs are at 2 to 3 times greater risk of becoming violent offenders.
The Slippery Slope of Discipline
The truth is when a parent uses violence to correct behavior, it sets the tone in the family about how disputes are going to be solved. It doesn’t stay “just a spanking” for long. At first, it’s a light tap to “get their attention.” But what happens when the kid doesn’t stop misbehaving, and if we are honest, hitting kids never solves the “problem.” The punishment gets harder. A smack turns into a hit. A hit turns into a belt. A belt turns into “teaching a lesson they’ll never forget.” And by then, you’re not disciplining your kid; you’re traumatizing them.
Why does it escalate? Because physical punishment isn’t about teaching; it’s about control. When spanking doesn’t work, parents think they need to hit harder. And when that doesn’t work, frustration turns into rage. By the time the parent realizes they have crossed a line, the damage is done, and the kid has learned two things: power equals pain, and those who claim to love you will hurt you.
“Wait until your father gets home” is an act of terrorism and destroys the trust and bonds that many children need from their fathers these days.
Research from University College London has shown that the brains of children who experience violence in the home show a similar response to the stressors and traumatic experiences found in combat veterans with PTSD.
The Lesson Nobody Talks About
Kids don’t process punishment the way you think they do. You smack a kid, and they don’t walk away thinking, “Wow, I really need to work on my behavior.” They think, “This is what happens when someone stronger than me gets mad.” The real lesson is the one with the most power makes the rules. And if they have to use violence to enforce those rules, so be it.
Now, imagine that lesson getting reinforced over the years. A child grows up knowing someone can hit you when they don’t like what you do. When someone disrespects you or says offensive words, you can physically harm them. That’s their blueprint for handling conflict.
So, when that kid grows up and they are faced with disagreement or conflict, they quickly get triggered and resorts to violence. Where do you think they learned that behavior?
From Discipline to Destruction
Studies show that many of the most violent offenders were subjected to escalating physical punishment as kids. What started as “normal” spanking grew into beatings, black eyes, bruised ribs, and emotional scars so deep they never healed.
The physical damage is bad enough, but the psychological damage is worse. Kids raised in violent homes develop warped ideas about trust, authority, and love. They don’t see authority figures as protectors. They see them as threats. They don’t learn to respect boundaries. They learn to break them. And they sure as hell don’t learn empathy. They learn survival.
When they lash out as adults, they’re not just reacting to the moment. They’re reenacting the only conflict-resolution strategy they’ve ever known: dominance through force.
The National Institute of Justice reported that individuals who suffered from physical abuse during childhood were 6 times more likely to be arrested for violent offenses in adulthood.
Breaking the Cycle
If you still rely on physical punishment, you’re playing with fire. You’re not just risking your relationship with your kid but their future. Because every slap, every spanking, every escalation is another step closer to teaching them that violence is the only way to solve problems. If you teach your child the importance of self-defense, there is a good chance it will confuse them when they need to use it against you.
If you want to raise a kid who doesn’t have to spend adulthood healing from your “discipline,” start by breaking the cycle of violence in your home. Stop hitting your kids for mistakes, misbehavior, or talking back. Discipline doesn’t have to hurt to be effective. Teach your kids through your actions, patience, and ability to stay calm under pressure. Show them that strength comes from self-control, not from losing it.
Because prisons are filled with kids who grew up thinking violence was expected.
Don’t let your child become one of them.