Can We Love Our Children Too Much?
Our role as fathers involves shaping our children’s outer selves and inner worlds.
In the early years, when kids are most vulnerable and dependent, many dads fail to connect with them emotionally. They have been disregarded, rejected, or emotionally abandoned, leaving deep wounds that manifest as a hunger for love and attention. As a result, these children grow up craving the validation and affection they lacked during childhood.
Complications and unnecessary stress arise when we fail to understand critical factors in raising healthy children. Parenting doesn’t need to be complicated, but it must be examined. You can pretend everything is fine, but eventually, the pain surfaces, causing more distress within the family dynamic.
When I look at my kids, I see more than just their smiles and laughter. I see a whole universe of emotions, dreams, and fears stirring within them. It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day hustle and bustle and forget that beneath their cheerful exteriors or avoidant behaviors; our children are craving something deeper, something we, as dads, must provide.
It’s natural to want to provide our children with the latest toys and gadgets or praise them for their achievements. However, being a good dad goes beyond just material things and accolades. It’s about being present for them during their moments of vulnerability, actively listening to their fears, and acknowledging their emotions. Sometimes, our children may come across as “spoiled” or “entitled,” but it’s essential to understand that these behaviors stem from a lack of emotional support. Underneath it all, they yearn for the love and attention they didn’t receive in their early years.
We often carry the weight of our past mistakes and are afraid to correct errors. Maybe we weren’t as emotionally present for our children when they were infants or toddlers. Perhaps we missed the signs of their unmet needs, leaving them craving for more as they grow older. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s never too late to make repairs.
However, compensating for past mistakes isn’t always straightforward. We can shower our kids with gifts and privileges, but true emotional fulfillment goes beyond material possessions. It’s about allowing them to have a voice in the home, teaching them the value of respect, and showing them that love from dad isn’t something they need to earn.
We’ve all heard the term “narcissism” thrown around, often used to describe individuals who seem self-absorbed or entitled. But beneath that bravado lies a wounded soul desperately seeking validation. It’s a harsh truth but one that we, as fathers, need to acknowledge.
Our children aren’t born narcissistic; they become that way because somewhere along the line, their emotional needs go unmet. Whether during their formative years or as they navigate adolescence, they carry the scars of neglect and yearn for someone to see them, hear them, and love them unconditionally. When early childhood emotional needs are rejected, we compensate for not knowing how to meet their needs by creating the illusion of a “spoiled” child.
“Children of narcissists learn that love is abuse. The narcissist teaches them that if someone displeases you, it is okay to harm them and call it love.”
― M. Wakefield
How do we, as fathers, nurture the souls of our children and help them heal from past wounds? It starts with awareness and recognizing that our kids’ behaviors often manifest deeper emotional turmoil. It means showing up for them, not just as providers and disciplinarians but as empathetic listeners and intuitive guides.
Be the father your children need – the one who sees beyond the surface and dives deep into the depths of their souls. When we take the job of raising another human being seriously, we will reap the benefits of seeing our hard work and dedication in the future.
It’s the absence of a father who offers emotional support and unconditional love as the cause of the spoiled child. Unfortunately these ideas are dismissed because it takes a courageous man to fix himself.